Had the sudden urge to seek refuge again- badly needing a place to house darkest secrets, crappy thoughts, bottled up unhappiness that i can whine to nobody. Hopefully, i can throw all the rubbish here and put an end to it (an enormous FULLSTOP)

It has been three good months since i since i started full-fledge teaching. I shall be totally honest here. I'm questioning myself whether this job is for me. Can this be something that i would really like to continue with even after my contract ends...

Whenever coming to the thought of sunday, i shudders. Because monday is just a few hours away. I'm terrified of going to school, i'm terrified of not doing my job proper. I'm afraid of shortchanging my students because i'm totally untrained, i don't know what's going on but i have to act like i know. This is how insecure i feel. I have no idea what would happen the following day. I don't know what should i be focusing on. I always thought i have done my job well, but somehow there would always be things that i missed out on. Nobody's blaming me, because they're all too busy to check on me. One week of short holiday can never be enough for me to catch up on the things that's undone. I really don't know what to focus on. I dislike this sucky feeling. It made me feel damn sick of school. Petrified, the best word to describe how i feel about school.

How?

Smelly has always been very nice towards me. No complaints. To be frank, I'm the cause of all quarrels. I have no idea why i can feel so proud and full of myself on one hand, and turn so tiny and miserable on another. I am duperly amazed at how fast my emotional climate changes. I really pity him that he has such shitty and mad person as girlfriend.

Mars did all the things that he was being told that Venus wants, but Mars will not accomplish any of Venus's wants because Mars knows nuts about the things Venus wants and Venus presumes that Mars knows whatever she wants or rather Venus hopes that Mars has gotten some obvious passes regarding her wants and thus, Venus will never tell Mars what she wants and Mars will always be clueless on why Venus had to be so upset when he had already done what she 'wants' and Venus will always be disappointed when she couldn't get what she wants... 

Simply put, 

Venus, the "Oscar-award-winning" actress while... 

...Mars, the "blur-like-Sotong" audience.

Get'it?

A block of wood...

...but I do love him still.